“If, in the end, redemption does not exist for the worst of us, it exists for no one.”

The Bellowing of Cain

by Jeremy Gordon Grinnell

—Hope for Those Who’ve Blown It—

The Bellowing of Cain by Jeremy Grinnell

A Book for Those Who’ve Shipwrecked Their Own Lives

It’s a strange form of Christianity that would deny that perpetrators of evil can be redeemed.

Have you ever made a self-destructive choice? Most people have, but what if that choice was bad enough to destroy your whole life or – worse – that of others? How do you survive the losses? How do you go about rebuilding a life worth having?

While many excellent books have been written on how to survive and grow through pain, nearly all of them are written by victims for victims – the cancer diagnosis, the loss of the child or parent, the layoff, the unrealized dream – terrible things, yes, but things that come from without for which we bear little actual responsibility.

More lamentable, however, are the pains that come from our own bad choices – miseries for which we are the cause. Where are the books that speak to those whose wounds are self-inflicted? Who writes to them about their unique journey? Who can?

The Bellowing of Cain was written primarily to those who, like Cain, have made horrible life-wrecking decisions and secondarily to those who have a calling to live and work with them. It is written by a fellow traveler who understands what it means to destroy one’s life…for he once did so.

Despite excellent reviews by a number of literary agents, traditional publishers have not been willing to navigate the negative publicity that would come with the author’s public profile. We have thus decided to produce the book via a hybrid publishing model that will increase both our flexibility with the book, but also its cost. We are seeking partners to help us bring this book to the Church. We need to raise about $80,000 to bring this book to market and make it commercially viable. Would you be willing to partner with us to launch this book?

In the culture of disposable people, we need a book like The Bellowing of Cain to teach us about the unique journey taken by people with baggage – baggage like shame, loss, and remorse. Such luggage is heavy and bends the back of those who must carry it, and they often walk alone.

Who will speak for them?


We need help bringing this completed manuscript to market in 2022.

If you care about restorative justice, about second chances, about seeing broken people become productive members of society again, then help us.

Want to help?

Gifts of any size are appreciated.

What Others Are Saying

Early endorsements for The Bellowing of Cain

I couldn’t put this book down. As one who has been betrayed, I longed to understand: How could someone who claimed to love me fail to see and hear my pain? How could they lose all feeling for me? How could I have prevented this from happening? Am I to blame? Through his own excruciating journey as the betrayer, Jeremy courageously explains what I wanted to know: exactly how sin hardened his heart, diminishing everyone he cared about and deafening him to their cries. Until Jeremy turned back to the Lord, he was blind to the ones he had loved the most. This is an important book about the deadly grip of sin, the gift and process of repentance, and the overwhelming, unending love of God.”

Vaneetha Rendall Risner

– Author, Walking Through Fire (Thomas Nelson)

The Bellowing of Cain is a compelling story of someone who, through his sin, damaged his own life and the lives of others. That story, in itself, isn’t unusual. What’s unique is Jeremy Grinnell’s willingness to tell with unflinching candor his story of failure and shame so that others might benefit from his hard-won wisdom and enter more deeply into the reality of God’s extravagant grace. This is a must-read book which will stretch and enlarge our imagination for what restoration and redemption can look like in the body of Christ.

Sharon Garlough Brown

– Author, Sensible Shoes (IVP) and Shades of Light (IVP)

This book hurts—it hurts to read, it hurts to reflect, it even hurts to ponder the way forward. But it hurts in the service of helping, for if there is no help for Cain, there is no help and no hope for any of us. Let the redemptive healing begin.

Wendy Widder

– Professor of Old Testament, Bethel College, Author of "Daniel" (Story of God Commentary)

I see this memoir being useful reading for seminarians, for example: ‘This is how it starts.’ ‘This is how you get sucked in.’ ‘This is what self-deception sounds like.’ ‘This is how deep the betrayal feels to your spouse.’ ‘This is how long the suffering can last and how dark the night can feel,’ and also ‘this is how the light comes.’ ‘This is what redemption and reconciliation look like.’

Rebecca Konyndyk-Deyoung

– Author, Glittering Vices (Brazos) and Vainglory: The Forgotten Vice (Eerdmans)

The Bellowing of Cain offers wisdom from a voice we don’t often hear from in the aftermath of a scandal caused by a destructive sin. Not the voice of one wounded by what’s been done, but the voice of one who did it – one who has plumbed the depths of repentance and grace and found that God is both able and willing to redeem all things. I want all my friends in ministry to read this book! May it stir our imaginations for what a full expression of grace and redemption could look like in the Church!”

Brian Blum

– Lead Pastor, Frontline Community Church & the Zero Collective Network

This is the book I’ve been looking for and couldn’t find. It’s an unflinchingly honest account about the messy complexities of sin and grace, repentance and forgiveness. It invites us to a gospel hope in the slow work of God.”

Shalini Bennett

– Professor of Spiritual Formation, Grand Rapids Theological Seminary

Without apology, I’m one of Jeremy’s raving fans!

John Smith

– CEO, PastorCare West Michigan