“If, in the end, redemption does not exist for the worst of us, it exists for no one.”

The Bellowing of Cain

by Jeremy Gordon Grinnell

—Hope for Those Who’ve Blown It—

The Bellowing of Cain by Jeremy Gordon Grinnell

A Book for Those Who’ve Shipwrecked Their Own Lives

It’s a strange form of Christianity that would deny that perpetrators of evil can be redeemed. Have you ever made a self-destructive choice? Most people have, but what if that choice was bad enough to destroy your whole life or – worse – that of others? How do you survive the losses? How do you go about rebuilding a life worth having? While many excellent books have been written on how to survive and grow through pain, nearly all of them are written by victims for victims – the cancer diagnosis, the loss of the child or parent, the layoff, the unrealized dream – terrible things, yes, but things that come from without for which we bear little actual responsibility. More lamentable, however, are the pains that come from our own bad choices – miseries for which we are the cause. Where are the books that speak to those whose wounds are self-inflicted? Who writes to them about their unique journey? Who can? The Bellowing of Cain was written primarily to those who, like Cain, have made horrible life-wrecking decisions and secondarily to those who have a calling to live and work with them. It is written by a fellow traveler who understands what it means to destroy one’s life…for he once did so. In the culture of disposable people, we need a book like The Bellowing of Cain to teach us about the unique journey taken by people with baggage – baggage like shame, loss, and remorse. Such luggage is heavy and bends the back of those who must carry it, and they often walk alone. Who will speak for them?

Now available!

(Books ordered here on our website are SIGNED by the author!)


Awards, Recognitions, and Acknowledgements

A growing list of organizations have recognized The Bellowing of Cain as a powerful resource for those with self-inflicted trauma.

2023 The Christian Author Awards

The Christian Author Awards 2023

First Place

Self Help Category

Illumination Book Awards

Illumination Book Awards 2024

Silver Medal

Self Help Category (see category 11)

Illumination Book Awards

Foreword 2023 Indie Awards


Religion (Nonfiction)

Illumination Book Awards

National Indie Excellence Awards


Religion Nonfiction

2023 The Christian Author Awards

Next Generation Indie Book Awards 2024


Christian (Non-Fiction) Category

What People Are Saying

Endorsements for The Bellowing of Cain

I couldn’t put this book down. As one who has been betrayed, I longed to understand: How could someone who claimed to love me fail to see and hear my pain? How could they lose all feeling for me? How could I have prevented this from happening? Am I to blame? Through his own excruciating journey as the betrayer, Jeremy courageously explains what I wanted to know: exactly how sin hardened his heart, diminishing everyone he cared about and deafening him to their cries. Until Jeremy turned back to the Lord, he was blind to the ones he had loved the most. This is an important book about the deadly grip of sin, the gift and process of repentance, and the overwhelming, unending love of God.”

Vaneetha Rendall Risner

– Author, Walking Through Fire (Thomas Nelson)

The Bellowing of Cain is a compelling story of someone who, through his sin, damaged his own life and the lives of others. That story, in itself, isn’t unusual. What’s unique is Jeremy Grinnell’s willingness to tell with unflinching candor his story of failure and shame so that others might benefit from his hard-won wisdom and enter more deeply into the reality of God’s extravagant grace. This is a must-read book which will stretch and enlarge our imagination for what restoration and redemption can look like in the body of Christ.

Sharon Garlough Brown

– Author, Sensible Shoes (IVP) and Shades of Light (IVP)

“This book hurts—it hurts to read, it hurts to reflect, it even hurts to ponder the way forward. But it hurts in the service of helping, for if there is no help for Cain, there is no help and no hope for any of us. Let the redemptive healing begin.
Wendy Widder

– Professor of Old Testament, Bethel College, Author of "Daniel" (Story of God Commentary)

Without apology, I’m one of Jeremy’s raving fans!

John Smith

– CEO, PastorCare West Michigan

“Some books come from the drudgery of academic research while others are forged from hard experiences. There are no harder experiences for professional clergy than a forced exit from ministry for cause that is clear and unarguable. And yet, this hard experience is more than a cautionary tale. It is a prophetic warning. Will you listen? You are closer than you think to a series of deceptions that will lead you into a life-crushing moment and all the consequences that come after. No, really. Your boundaries are permeable, your excuses are thin. You are in danger. This book is essential reading for anyone and everyone who works with other people.

Todd Fredrick

– Senior Pastor, Shoreline Church

This should be mandatory reading for seminary students and those working through alternative paths into ministry!”
Rev. Kevin Kriesel

– Senior Pastor, Farina UMC & Patoka UMC

“I see this memoir as instructive reading for self-examination, especially for those in ministry. For example: ‘This is how it starts.’ ‘This is how you get sucked in.’ ‘This is what self-deception sounds like.’ ‘This is how deep the betrayal feels to your family and community.’ ‘This is how long the suffering can last and how dark the night can feel,’ but also ‘this is how the light comes.’ ‘This is what redemption and reconciliation can look like.’”
Rebecca Konyndyk-Deyoung

– Author, Glittering Vices (Brazos) and Vainglory: The Forgotten Vice (Eerdmans)

The Bellowing of Cain offers wisdom from a voice we don’t often hear from in the aftermath of a scandal caused by a destructive sin. Not the voice of one wounded by what’s been done, but the voice of one who did it – one who has plumbed the depths of repentance and grace and found that God is both able and willing to redeem all things. I want all my friends in ministry to read this book! May it stir our imaginations for what a full expression of grace and redemption could look like in the Church!”

Brian Blum

– Lead Pastor, Frontline Community Church & the Zero Collective Network

This is the book I’ve been looking for and couldn’t find. It’s an unflinchingly honest account about the messy complexities of sin and grace, repentance and forgiveness. It invites us to a gospel hope in the slow work of God.”

Shalini Bennett

– Professor of Spiritual Formation, Grand Rapids Theological Seminary

“It is a gut wrenching experience to watch a young talented servant of the Church (minister and seminary professor) make career altering decisions and seemingly forever be banned from ministry opportunities. The Bellowing of Cain is a true story providing a rationale for considering ways forward for those who need hope and help in recovering a purpose and place in the Kingdom of God.
Tim Detwiler

– Academic Dean, Kuyper College